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Monthly Joke

Polish Woman

An elderly Polish man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite pierogi with fried onions wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs. There, he leaned against the door frame, gazing ...

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In the beginning…..

When the new patient was settled comfortably on the couch, the psychiatrist began his therapy session. “As you are a new patient with me, I do apologize, but I haven’t had time to review your case file and I’m not really aware of your problem.“ The psychiatrist said, “So perhaps, you should start at the very beginning.” “But of course.” ...

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The scene

The scene: Children lined up in a Catholic elementary lunch cafeteria. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun had made a note and posted it on the apple tray, “Take only ONE. God is watching”. Further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate ...

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Wedding Plans

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Florida, are all excited about their decision to get married.They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests to go in, and then addresses the pharmacist behind the counter: ”We’re about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?” Pharmacist: “Yes ...

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The Workman

A workman is doing work inside a church. He sees a little old Italian lady kneel down in front of a statue of Mary and start to pray. The workman decides to have a little fun. He gets behind the statue of Jesus and, in a commanding voice, says, “Woman, get off your knees. Don’t pray to her, pray to ...

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Arthritis

A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man’s tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to the ...

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Confession

An old man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues: Old man: I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. Yesterday I picked up two college girls hitchhiking. We went to a motel where I had sex with each of them three times. Priest: Are you sorry for your sins? ...

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