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Monthly Joke

Wedding Plans

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Florida, are all excited about their decision to get married.They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests to go in, and then addresses the pharmacist behind the counter: ”We’re about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?” Pharmacist: “Yes ...

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The Workman

A workman is doing work inside a church. He sees a little old Italian lady kneel down in front of a statue of Mary and start to pray. The workman decides to have a little fun. He gets behind the statue of Jesus and, in a commanding voice, says, “Woman, get off your knees. Don’t pray to her, pray to ...

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Arthritis

A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man’s tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to the ...

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Confession

An old man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues: Old man: I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. Yesterday I picked up two college girls hitchhiking. We went to a motel where I had sex with each of them three times. Priest: Are you sorry for your sins? ...

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The Monk

A new monk arrives at the old Italian monastery for his celibate  life of shared poverty and prayer, and is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand. He notices, however, that they are copying from copies, not the original manuscripts. So, the new monk goes to the head monk to ask him about this, ...

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Changing A Light Bulb

Q: How many Narcissists does it take to change a light bulb? A: One. He holds onto the light bulb and waits for the world to revolve around him.   Q: How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb? A: None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.   Q: How many Mormons does ...

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Yogi and Dentist

Did you hear about the yogi who was having a filling put in a tooth? When the dentist asked him if he wanted Novocain, the yogi said: “No, I can transcend dental medication”.

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MONEY

What is money? It is a piece of paper that draws the illusion of all mankind. It can buy a house – but not a home. It can buy a bed – but not sleep. It can buy a clock – but not time. It can buy you a book – but not knowledge. It can buy you a position ...

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